The Mistake Most Parents Make
And what almost every teacher fails to recognise.
Sir Ken Robinson tells a wonderful story in his book The Element about a little girl who never paid attention in school, except in art class. One day, she was deeply absorbed in her work, head bent low, arms curled protectively around her paper. The teacher approached her and asked, “What are you drawing?”
Without looking up, she said, “I’m drawing a picture of God.”
The teacher replied, “But nobody knows what God looks like.”
And the little girl said, “They will in a minute!”
This story is a gentle reminder of how remarkable children are — how clear, confident, and creative they can be when they’re doing what comes naturally. And how awkward, uncomfortable, and uncertain they feel when forced into something that goes against their nature.
Just as the right soil determines the growth of a seed, the environment we place a child in will either nurture or inhibit their growth.
Within every seed lies hidden potential — but that potential can only emerge if the seed is planted in the right soil. An avocado seed, for example, won’t grow in Ireland. It needs humid, subtropical conditions to flourish.
In the same way, deep within every child are the seeds of their potential. That’s why they light up when doing certain things — why they seem so alive in some activities and not in others. That spark is the clearest sign of their nature, of what they’re designed to be.
If a child’s nature is suppressed or reshaped to fit someone else’s expectations, they grow up feeling ashamed of who they are — and constantly sensing that something is missing. Parents make a painful mistake when they try to mold their children instead of nurturing what’s already there.
To clip a bird’s wings is cruel. To cage a bird meant to soar is heartbreaking. A bird may adapt to its cage, but it will never know joy. Set it free, and it will shoot for the skies — looping, diving, and soaring in sheer ecstasy, doing exactly what it was born to do.
So too with children.
The responsibility of every parent is not to mould a child into something else, but to allow them the freedom to discover who they already are. Encourage them, don’t restrict them. Let them explore, stumble, and find their feet. Above all, give them the freedom to be themselves.
Because when a child lives in harmony with their nature, they don’t just grow — they flourish.
Thank you for reading.
Be Well,
Meredith — The Elder Sage
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A true article-i think most parents do the best they can-sadly for the ones who have grown up in an environment of trauma their is then a whole lifetime for the child of trying to get back to who they really are. Parents are learning as they go, it can be painful all round, but we are gifted with the precious gift of a child, we need to nurture and lead by example. If not, parents will then re-live their whole parenting life as they watch their child experiencing, re-claiming themselves. If we are awake we are learning from our children from the moment of their birth, we can teach & learn from each other. Life can be complex by nature and nurture.
Yes, very good reminder .... this is a hard lesson I learnt with my children. I only corrected it after my kids became adults (unfortunately). It is never too late to stop trying to change children to our liking. It is also a delicate line because we need to guide children when they are young; it may not be enough to simply let them do as they please. Thank you for sharing.