Self-confidence is more than just a belief in yourself; it is freedom from excessive concern with yourself — and it comes from having a purpose in life.
By purpose, I don’t mean having a five-year plan; I mean having a higher goal, a noble ideal to strive towards — and dedicating your thoughts, emotions and actions towards achieving it.
The beauty of an ideal is that it gives you a clear direction in life. Without it, you won’t know what to do. You’ll be confused and unsure of yourself. But once you have a higher purpose, you’ll know exactly what actions to take.
“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable.” — Seneca
There is an extraordinary confidence that comes with knowing what you’re doing and where you are heading.
Learn more in this new video (just uploaded on YouTube).
Self-Consciousness Sabotages Self-Confidence
Most people struggle with confidence because they’re thinking too much about themselves.
How do I look? What will they think? Did I say the right thing? What if I fail? What if they don’t like me?
This is called self-consciousness.
Self-consciousness refers to this small personal self. Your attention is constantly directed towards this body and this personality, but the irony is that the more you focus on yourself, the less confident you become.
Why? Because the ego is inherently insecure. It is constantly measuring itself against something else. Am I successful enough? Intelligent, interesting or spiritual enough? There’s no end to it.
True confidence comes from having a higher purpose.
With a higher purpose, you stop obsessing about yourself and start thinking about what you can contribute.
If you’re struggling with what your purpose is, then why not simply:
Become the best human you can possibly be.
That is an ideal anyone can aspire towards. And it’s as simple as being true to yourself.
Shakespeare put it beautifully: “To thine own self be true.” And he goes on to say that if you are true to yourself, you cannot be false to anyone else.
When you know what you stand for, you don’t have to pretend or try to impress. You don’t need anyone’s approval. You can simply be yourself — and be free. And paradoxically, that is where genuine self-confidence comes from. Not from thinking more about yourself, but from thinking of yourself less.
So perhaps we have misunderstood self-confidence. What do you think? I’d love to read your thoughts.
Till next time, Be Well, Meredith ∞ The Elder Sage
This came up for me recently, looking in the mirror to do something like brush my teeth a whole bunch of thoughts crowded in that were less than friendly and instead of getting caught up I realised that those sorts of thoughts have been coming and going my whole life. Taking me down endless rabbit holes that served no purpose other than to distract me from the reality. A thought is going to come no matter what I do,how I look, or what I think. That's what thoughts do. And what a waste of time it actually is to take any thought about myself as an individual seriously. Rather as you say, focus on what's real, true and lasting. The eternal nature of oneself. There can be no higher pursuit. Thank you as always for shining a light on what matters.
thankyou Meredith - love the special article - i feel self confidence comes when we are truly free to be who we are & know this about ourselves - not having to live up to others expectations of who they think we should be - the authentic self is to: know thyself:_)