The Happiness Beyond Heartbreak

A Personal Story from Loss to Inner Freedom.

I was just twenty-two when the ground beneath my feet began to shudder. It all started the day I married a man my parents warned me not to. Naturally, they thought he wasn’t good enough for their little girl.

Turns out they were right!

The day my father gave me away was the day he became seriously ill. He was diagnosed with a debilitating disease, a type of leukemia.

It was heartbreaking to see him decline so rapidly. He was such a kind-hearted, gentle man, loved by everyone he met, simply because he always had time for them. He would listen to their stories as if he were hearing them for the very first time, even though he had heard them three or four times before.

Towards the end of his life, I watched as his frail body leaned across the hospital bed to shake my husband’s hand. He said, “Take care of my little girl.”

The following day, he passed away.

To say my heart broke is an understatement. Anyone who’s lost someone they love knows the pain and suffering all too well.

A month later, my husband told me it was over, without offering any real explanation.

Cold and trembling, I phoned my mother. Mum was sympathetic, but not at all surprised. She saw a weakness in him that I couldn’t see, and she knew it was just a matter of time.

Three Tragedies in Three Months!

They say that bad things always happen in threes. Whether that’s a myth or reality, what happened next haunted me for years.

The following month, my cousin, Diane, came to stay on her way home for Christmas. She was excited to tell her parents the happy news that she was engaged to be married.

After Christmas, she dropped in again and rested for a while before heading home. We wanted her to stay the night so that she would be fresh to drive the following morning, but she was keen to get home.

That night, the phone rang. My heart skipped a beat. Instinctively, I knew something terrible had happened.

My mother answered the phone, and with her back to the wall, I watched her slide to the floor, screaming, “NO!”

Diane had been killed in a car accident!

Filling the Void

To cope with the grief, I threw myself into work. This proved to be a great distraction; however, it wasn’t enough. So I got busier.

I ran, I cycled, and I socialised.

There were times I felt like the Tasmanian Devil, from Looney Tunes, spinning at breakneck speed. Fully charged with nervous energy. I knew that if I stopped, I would have to face the reality, and I wasn’t prepared to do that.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was in serious denial. Keeping busy, no doubt, diverted the pain, but it was just a band-aid.

On the surface, I was all smiles and shiny, but deep down, I was miserable.

To escape the misery, I tried to fill the aching void by indulging in superficial pleasures. After a while, the hollowness of it all forced me to ask myself some serious questions:

“What am I doing? Where am I going? And if I continue this way, where will I end up?”

At night, I would look up at the stars and pray for guidance. Then one night, a voice inside said, “Stop dwelling on the past and feeling sorry for yourself… Start living, and seek the TRUTH.”

An Inner Journey

As Shakespeare says, “There is a divinity that shapes our ends.”

All of a sudden, I was catapulted on an inner journey of self-discovery. It was a miracle. Everything I needed to find was manifest before me. I felt as if I were being carried forward by an unseen hand from one adventure to another.

After two years of spiritual shopping — reading numerous self-help books and attending countless “spiritual” courses — a friend suggested I go to Perth to do a course called Mastermind.

I had never been to Perth before. Nor did I know anyone who lived there. It was on the other side of the country, yet I felt a strong urge to go. There was a definite pull. I also saw it as an opportunity to get away, so that I could see things from a different perspective. What I didn’t realise was that this trip would change my life forever.

Mastermind

When I arrived in Perth, the taxi driver drove me directly to the Australian Institute of Management, where the course was being held. The atmosphere there was warm and welcoming. I was introduced to the facilitator, Garry, who was impressed that I had travelled such a long way to attend his course.

During the introduction, Garry said that our emotional mind had taken over our personality and was wreaking havoc. I couldn’t agree more. He said that our intellect was weak and needed strengthening to guide our minds towards a happier, more fulfilling life.

At that moment, he held up a book that was extensively highlighted, dog-eared and full of post-it notes. He said, “If we wanted to know more, we should read this book.” He added that if he were ten years younger, he would go to India to learn from the author, an Indian swami named Swami Parthasarathy (Par-tha-sara-thee). He said, as he proudly held up the Vedanta Treatise, “Everything I know comes from this book.”

Garry explained that Vedanta was an ancient Indian philosophy and that a swami was a spiritual teacher. I was intrigued and wanted to know more.

The Book

I was going to book into a hotel, but the course organisers wouldn’t have a bar of it. So they found a billet, a wonderful family who just happened to have the Vedanta Treatise in their library. That night, I started reading, and I couldn’t put it down. Finally, I was reading something that made complete sense.

The next morning, Garry told us that Swami Parthasarathy would be in Perth, in a few days, to conduct a retreat as part of his Australian tour… Wow! I couldn’t believe it. Talk about synchronicity!

I hadn’t planned to stay longer than the weekend, as Mastermind was only a weekend course, but there was no way I was going to miss this incredible opportunity. So I extended my stay.

The Teacher

The hall was packed. Everyone wanted to see the Swami. He was dressed all in white, in a simple kurta and dhoti, with a thin mala around his neck, signifying his spiritual status. He sat cross-legged on a table-like platform on the stage, closed his eyes and chanted OM… The sound echoed throughout the auditorium.

Even though the hall was packed, I felt like he was looking and speaking directly to me. In his talk, he highlighted the hollowness of human pursuits, saying that all our stress and strain in life are due to misidentification. We identify with our limitations and suffer. To remove the suffering, we need to shift our focus from our small, limited self to our true, unlimited Self.

Wow!… Wow!… WOW!… Incredible!

They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears… I couldn’t have been more ready.

After the talk, the organiser introduced me to the Swami. Swamiji, as he is affectionately known, was incredibly charming and humble. I told him that I thoroughly enjoyed his talk, was in awe of his book and that I was looking forward to attending the Retreat on the weekend. He told me about his academy in India, near Pune, and said I should do the course…

The seed was planted.

The Retreat

The Retreat was held at Point Walter, overlooking Perth’s magnificent Swan River. It was breathtaking, especially on Saturday afternoon, when all the sailing boats were out on the water.

The Friday evening lecture by Swamiji was entitled, ‘Know Thy Self.’

The hall was packed. Swamiji entered and sat cross-legged on the stage. At exactly six thirty, he closed his eyes and chanted OM… Everyone closed their eyes, and a sense of exhilarating calm filled the air.

He began his talk by saying that all the stress and strain of life are caused by discontentment. We feel empty inside, so we try to fill ourselves up with all sorts of things and beings. As long as the starting point is discontentment, the happiness we feel will only ever be temporary. The message, therefore, is to seek the Self within. Then, we will gain permanent PEACE and happiness.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. It all made so much sense. When we look for happiness in experiences, we find it for a while, but it doesn’t last.

He asked the audience if anyone could raise their hand and say, “I’m peaceful. I’m happy.” A few people raised their hands. Swamiji questioned them. Then he said that all our happiness depends on things over which we have no control. We should not rely on it because it is only temporary.

Throughout the retreat, there were talks by Swamiji, question-and-answer sessions, yoga, music, meditative walks, joy, friendship, and laughter. The retreat aimed to give people an idea of what life was like at the Vedanta Academy in India.

After the Retreat

Flying back to the Gold Coast, mentally, I was already at the Vedanta Academy. The only thing I needed to do now was inform my mother.

Naturally, she was excited to hear about Perth, and as I told her the story, she knew what I wanted to do.

After losing Dad, Mum relied heavily on me for emotional support. Yet, when I told her that I wanted to go to India to study Vedanta for three years, she graciously said, “You’re going on a big adventure… You’re going to learn a great deal about life.”

So that’s it. I was on my way to India for the biggest adventure of my life.

What happened next will have to wait.

Till then,
Be Well,

Meredith, The Elder Sage

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